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Satire: publishers raise print prices to reflect library value

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New York - Today RandomHouse announced that it will be raising the price on individual purchases of print books by an average of 430%. "Let's face it," said company spokesman Sam Snively, "if you just buy a book, and only one person reads it, our authors just aren't getting the same kind of exposure that they'd get at, say, a library. Libraries display the book, write reviews for the local paper, host authors, and even do book clubs. Consumers don't do any of that."

Industry observer Josh Golden agreed. "Absolutely. This price more accurately reflects the true value of the work, as established by American libraries' enthusiastic promotion of both literacy and publisher's offerings. Frankly, I'm surprised the industry didn't address this problem years ago."

In a related news item, Simon & Schuster revealed their price hikes for bookstores. "Sure, bookstores buy books from us, but surprisingly often, don't even sell them!" said S&S's Commercial Distribution manager, Myrna Blackthorn. "You wouldn't believe how common it is to have them ship back the books and demand a refund. Libraries don't do that!" When asked how much the price would increase, Blackthorn said, "Like, twice the price? That sounds about right."

These announcements seem to indicate a growing Big Six publisher consensus that other distribution channels should behave more like the lucrative and business-friendly library market. At this writing, no representatives of the American Booksellers Association could be reached for comment.

Comments

Anonymous said…
And let me tell just how dumb those libraries are! They buy the same books in hard back, paperback, audio book, e-book and large print - and in multiple copies of each format and are willing to pay as much as consumers!
October 9, 2012 at 10:52 AM
Aspen Walker said…
:) Hee hee! Thanks for writing this!
October 9, 2012 at 11:20 AM
Anonymous said…
I've always had faith the publishers would realize that cooperation with libraries equals good business. Glad to see things working out! ;-)
October 9, 2012 at 12:02 PM
Jamie said…
Good point, Charlie. Libraries buy multiple copies and multiple formats of a single title. What do call that? Maybe you say, "Dumb." But I say, LOYALTY. COMMITMENT. I think that's why the publishers love us.
October 9, 2012 at 12:57 PM
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